Favorite Musician Jokes

Q: What is the difference between a dead opossum lying in the road and a dead trombone player lying in the road?
A: The opossum may have been on his way to a gig.


Q: What dose it mean when drool is coming out of both sides of a drummers mouth?
A: The stage is level.

Here, in my own verbose fashion (and hopefully updated to have less stereotyping crap) is the classic "When drums stop, very bad" joke...

Deep in a jungle, a eco tour was camped for the night. In the darkness, distant drums began a relentless beat that continued through the night and then into the morning, gradually increasing in volume and intensity. The tour members were disturbed and went to their guide to ask if they were in any danger, but the guide tried to reassured them: "NO! Drums good! When drums stop, very bad." The drumming continued, never stopping and steadily becoming more fevered and menacing. Once again the tour members, tired from lack of sleep and feeling very unsafe, questioned the guide, but the guide reiterated, as best he could in a language foreign to him, "NO! Drums good! When drums stop, VERY bad." This continued day after day and night after night until one morning the drumming suddenly stopped! The tour members, unsettled from lack of sleep began to panic. Some started to scream, cry, hide, or run mindlessly in the building terror of the camp. The tour leader found the guide, grabbed him by the shoulders and screamed "Whats happening!?" The guide frozen in place and staring into the distance slowly whispered: "When drums stop, VERY, VERY bad," The tour leader shook the guide and begged "YES! YES! But why is it bad? What happens when the drums STOP!!!" And with trembling lips and a single tear streaming down his cheek the guide spit out the words "Bass solo." 

The well of fun

I was reminded by my friend Marlena to have fun with your children wherever you are. I feel like I used to be better at that, but might have been slowing down on the skipping in the mall as he got older... am I getting too serious? He is a challenge at times, willful, inattentive, argumentative about just about everything, hugely energetic... Most of those traits are things that can be an advantage if he gains the wisdom to use them well. So where to draw the line? Clearly it's not a free for all, h e need guidance, but I may be forgetting the fun a bit more than I should recently.

I want to create many good memories for my son, and I feel it's important for us to have silly good fun together. I think those little fun things can dramatically shape his memories about being young.

Once in a store I was entertaining Jamieson in the shopping cart (various crazy stuff) and a woman ask me "how do you have the energy to think all that up?" and I said "Luckily I have a vast repertoire of immature behavior to draw upon".

I hope he and I haven't exhausted that supply.

Corporate Anthems And Privacy Genies That Are Not Going Back In A Bottle

Back in the seventies I can recall being freaked out by the idea of a "corporate anthem" playing in the beginning of the movie Rollerball. It was a powerful image of a future that needed to be avoided and it was an early source of the concept for a young Murdock that our lives are increasingly influenced by corporations and people in positions of power outside of government. Schoolhouse Rock had been blowing smoke up my ass! Well, many years have gone by and other movies shocked us with dystopian futures run by uncaring corporations. Omni Consumer Products, Weyland-Yutani, at the time their fictional antics seemed so shocking... but now, after living a life in which I have witnessed the real life actions and negligence of the powerful, that aspect of those movies seems quaint.


Traditionally, our government has been a tool to protect us from overpowered corporations, but people don't seem to LIKE or TRUST the government as of late. They do however appear to pacified by the marketing, services and entertainment provided by corporations. This seems dangerous to me. People are getting very understandably upset recently about our government having access to personal information, but I rarely hear them speak about the fact that they GAVE the information being collected to corporations themselves without demanding it be absolutely private. Often times agreeing to share shocking amounts of personal data under questionable guidelines of privacy. We did it.
And why is the government worse than FB or Google? I think people are shouting about a big scary dog (which may or may not be friendly) while petting a hungry lion dressed as a clown (which was always planning to eat you).

So, maybe its time to drop the pretense, show our true allegiance and just write some anthems for the worlds largest corporations and most powerful individuals. We can sing them in schools and at sporting events. It will be fun! We can post about it.

Excellent Support From Chordbot Developer

My copy of Chordbot for IOS stopped working last night so I shot off an email and just now I got a response that I am confident will solve the issue. I should say that it is less the developers fault that it stopped working and more mine for pushing the iPad to hard.

If you are interested in cobbling together chord progressions on an IOS device Chordbot is a great app. Plus they actually read emails! Gotta love THAT!

Plea to maintain best in class IOS music product

It seems to me that developers sometimes throw things at a wall to see if they stick without thinking much about the people who use the tools. If a product is really good, that may be enough reason to keep it healthy and see what happens in the long run. When the pros come over to IOS in larger numbers... (and they will) I hope these guys won't have been short sighted. Here is the note I sent them.

Dear WI...
I am absolutely in love with WI Guitar on the iPad. I have been a vocalist/electronic composer/producer for nearly 30 years. Honestly I had never heard of your company before as my gear purchases stabilized years ago. I have a ton of virtual instruments and soft synths as well as racks of classic gear, I don't need much that is new... unless that is it happens to be for an innovative new touch based tablet. Which is exactly how I discovered you. WI Guitar is by far the best sounding and most playable app of its type on the app store. But, today I am sitting here wanting to strum an idea into cusasis and then transfer that over to cubase on the mac and well, no audiobus, so no love. I came to your site looking for news about possible pending updates and found disturbing verbiage in the FAQ regarding support for your other IOS offering. "We currently have no plans on changing or updating the core functionality of Wivi Band for iOS." I hope this does not apply to WI Guitar. I feel you have something unique in this product and would hate to see it get left behind or abandoned. Charge IAP for amp simulators, or new samples if you need to, but please consider updating this app with current technology. Nothing else I have found sounds nearly as good. 

This may sound like me blowing smoke but I do lack orchestral samples in my collection and have been casually looking at different packages for years... because of WI Guitar, I am now aware of your company and understand your commitment to making instruments that sound "right". Something to consider. Thanks for your time.

This was a supplemental note I sent.


I also should have mentioned that although I have owned WI Guitar for a long time I have recently been on a buying spree of new IOS music apps, the primary qualification that drives my purchase is if they have audiobus.  I will consider buying anything that has audiobus and often use their list of compatible apps as a reference for shopping. in fact I recently purchased a different guitar app because it had audiobus, but it sounds tragic in comparison to yours. sorry to babble on... I hope you find this information useful or encouraging. 
Thanks again.
Doc.

Succinct thought on why we make rules

"Society is the result of using the gift of our intellect in an attempt to deal with the issues of being animals that enjoy the benefits of living closely with other animals."

                                                                                         -Murdock Scott 2013

So yeah, its a little obvious, (and maybe I have heard or read something similar in the past) but it flowed so well then the thought came to me and I like the way it puts hammer to nail. People have told me that they often repeat clever things I say... I always forget those same things, so I don't often end up feeling clever in the long run. I would like to remember thinking these words and be remembered for saying them.  -Doc

Early Days With Jamieson

****note****
I just found this in my rough drafts. It is two years old and I never posted it, I guess I thought it would be too tough for some people to read, and also that it would be too personal. This is LONG before we found a doctor that would help us solve Jamieson's food allergies. Reading it now, unedited, makes me sad at now helpless we were to help him and angry at the "experts" that kept telling us that nothing was wrong. We begged for help, and were made to feel like we were the ones that didn't understand. At the end, I make a mention of seeing a pediatric GI, I can still hear the snark in the voice of his first doctor "If you REALLY want, you could take him to the GI, but thats NOT going to help... He is just "highstrung"". Ironically that visit that with the GI (Dr. Annette Whitney who is great) is when everything began to turn around. We never went back to that first pediatrician.

Here is the post I composed when Jamie was just a tiny (well, never tiny) screaming bright red klaxon of distress and I was sick with worry for him, Katy and our family.
******

What do you do when the two people you love most in the world are in conflict? Not just a normal conflict mind you, but a soul draining contest of endurance versus need that shakes everyone involved to the core and could be described as the hardest challenge any of you has ever faced.

You put yourself between them and try you best to absorb as much of the discomfort as you can take.

I don't know for sure that Jamieson is more needy than other babies of his same age but it would not surprise me to find out that he is. Since he was born, he has on average wanted to be feed every 2 hours (often times less). For short periods of time this has stretched out to 3... but it quickly snaps back. Now consider that it takes about 30-45 minutes to feed him, that only leaves a very short window to sleep and rest between feedings.

Also he cries a LOT. It seems to me like he has problems getting rid of lower gas. He wakes from a dead sleep and will start to kick and flail if he has not passed gas within a few minutes he will become frustrated and begin to cry. These episodes can quickly escalate into massive shrieking freak-outs if he is not quickly comforted. He will still cry, kick and flail for long periods of time even if held and if you do manage to get him to sleep in your arms... you CAN'T put him down. The comfort is like a counter balance to the pain/discomfort in his gut. If you remove the soothing... the tower topples and he is back in crisis. If he starts to break wind... a lot of wind. Then he starts to relax and can sometimes be put down.

So combine those two things and you have a baby that requires a lot of attention.

I have been desperately trying to provide as much of that attention as I can I am a seasoned insomniac... Katy is not. She is learning the ropes of how to survive on so little sleep but it has been really tough for me to watch her get raked over the coals on this. She is a person that NEEDS her sleep.

So for weeks now I have done everything I could to keep him soothed and get her more sleep. Since I don't need much sleep I keep him downstairs with me in between feedings because it is seldom that he sleeps from one feeding to the next. Its MUCH more common that he needs to be held and comforted, often the entire time between feedings. If I am really good, I can keep him asleep for 2.5 hours in my arms... but this usually means that I can't move or do anything else because if I do he will wake up and instantly want to be comforted with food.

So, I am very caught in the middle. He wants and needs to eat and I know that if I take him up to her she will be loosing sleep that she needs! I try to keep him soothed because sometimes he just wants to "snack" for comfort or eat early because he woke up due to gas.

these have been my goals over the last few weeks

1. Make it possible for Katy to go to bed at an early hour. (front load sleep)

2. Keep Jamieson downstairs with me between the 2-3 feedings after katy has gone to bed so that she gets chunks of undisturbed (if not uninterrupted) sleep. This helps her be more alert during the 2-3 late night feedings that I am likely to be asleep during, and hopefully gives her the energy to deal with him when he won't sleep between those feedings. I know that we only got her less than a couple of hours of "up front" sleep last night and she told me she was up with him the entire time between the next two feedings... I have to try harder to keep us on track so that its easier to deal with when this happens.

3. Wake up and take him downstairs between the first couple of feedings as needed. This is great for her catching up on sleep as he seems a bit less "fussy" in the mornings and I can keep him soothed and encourage him to sleep longer, but its also the prime time that she wants to be pumping and since it the time he is lest likely to be cranky its also the best time of day to play with him and have him be a bit more interactive and less distracted by his own discomfort.

4. Change every diaper I can get my hands on. It's a little thing, but I enjoy it and it is one less demand that she has to feel he is putting on her. I am sure she wouldn't mind changing more... she lets me do it because I have made it "Daddy's Job".

5. Soothe him as much as he will let me. Now when I said before that he gets upset, I am not sure I communicated what really happens here... I have seen him will turn dark purple over 100% of his body, go stiff as a board from head to toe and cry so hard and intensely that he seems to forget to breathe. At first, this upset Katy a great deal, I also get very unnerved by it.

I know Jamieson is on the verge of making a breakthrough in his eating and sleep schedule and I just have to wait it out a bit longer... but it is getting to me, I hate that I can't seem to do more for him when he is really upset and I feel like I have to absorb as much of his cranky-ness as I can and try to lessen his impact on Katy when he is being really demanding, That may sound odd to some people reading this but maybe people with difficult babies may understand. She is giving so much of herself to him as it is, I feel I need to deflect the screaming/complaining if I can. when I can't, I feel like I have failed.

I have had to compose this post over several days because I never have a long enough stretch of time to finish a complete blog post without needing to pick him up. Actually he is in my arms now but he is quiet enough that I can type (slowly) with my free hand.

It is now months later (around may 2009)... from a note I started to write someone then decided to not explain...

I know we probably discussed that he has had a rough start, He just has never been comfortable Like something was hurting him badly. I know I may have seemed over protective at the CPR class, But he has me well trained to respond quickly to his signs of distress early and try to stack the deck on the side of his comfort and happiness otherwise he can quickly get upset to the point were people question weather something is dramatically wrong with him. The way he responds to his discomfort can be a bit shocking to people if they are used to babies acting like "normal" babies.

I am sure it would not have surprised you, but I think it would have disrupted your class if he had reached the peak of what he is capable of.

Now all that sounds pretty dramatic, but he is a great and amazing baby when he fells well! So I have every confidence that when he finally "outgrows" the colic completely. Or his little digestive tract gets working a bit better... he will be able to let more of that side of himself shine.

We have been frustrated by our pediatrician and how her answer to everything seems to be "he is growing and thriving, so he is therefore fine" Wow, I sure am glad MY doctor doesn't take that attitude with me. "Oh, Doc you gained 5 pounds so clearly nothing else is wrong with you!" We are just now coming to the conclusion that he is allergic to something that he has been eating and we have finaly made an appointment with a pediatric GI in hopes that they will be able to shed some light on his discomfort.