Laying down on the battlefield is something I may understand...

Planes full of innocents shot out of the sky, never-ending war fought over dusty old books and dusty old concepts, some police that seem to think they are the military and the population is the enemy, efforts for gender equality that seem to be perpetually stalled or moving at such a snails pace as to seem stalled. Lingering race problems that should have been nothing but a bad memory by now. Sure its bad, and I think I may know how you feel brother... I have tried too. I only wish I could have done a fraction of the good you did. But still, I know what its like to try so hard for so long and not feel like it really made much difference. I am so sorry you could not stay longer. Learning that you have fallen is like a lance through the heart. I am supposed to be smart, and with that, I have felt a responsibility... Am I supposed to find some way to make things better? Is THAT the same feeling that brought you down? Because if it is. I understand... How can creators, thinkers, entertainers... bringers of knowledge, truth and joy build any faster than the greed driven takers, and hate filled destroyers rip away at the things we build? We have little snack trays of truths wrapped up in songs, stories, science and jokes and they have t-shirt cannons of glitter, wealth, fear, glamor, and hate. Still I don't agree that it was time to surrender even if you felt like you had done all you could.

Cameras on my mind

Cameras are on my mind. Screw google glass as a plaything for people addicted to the digital teat... how about putting a small POV camera on EVERY police officer in America. Every gun, every badge, every dash. Camera, camera, camera. I can't think of a good reason anyone should object. I want to trust the police, I want others to be able to trust them. But the problem is they are fallible people just like all of us. No amount of training will solve every problem when people are thrown into the mix with all their flaws. I know some efforts exist to make this happen, I am going to look into them and see what the pros and cons are.

Breaking my own rule on celebrity deaths.

I am not quick to heap praise on celebrities when they past away, especially if they have taken their own life or abused substances to the point that it kills them. I don't want to add to the mystique of the tragic famous person that died too young. They are just people after all, they had talent and got a series of lucky breaks and perhaps worked very hard... But that makes them no different or better than the people in my life that I personally know and love. Those are the people I want to reserve my admiration for.

The death of Robin Williams however, presents a special case for me and makes it difficult to stay within those guidelines. He was a friend to a sad little boy, a like minded deep thinker to a maturing young man, a crusader for truth to someone who wanted the world to be honest and true, and a constant reminder to a cynic that the world and the bodies we live in are ridiculous, hilarious, and beautiful... At least the characters he played were all those things. He was the near perfect mixture of white faced and red nosed clown. He skillfully took the words and direction of very clever people and turned them into unforgettable performances that reminded us of our mortality and then let us know that it was OK to be mortal... I can't say I will miss him, because I never knew HIM, and I still have all the gifts he gave me. I can only say that I am somewhat selfishly sad that I will not be receiving any more of those amazing gifts, and that I never got a chance to personally say thank you.

Here is a partial list of the Robin Williams movies that I love him in. Not all are great movies but I still enjoyed him in them. People tend to ignore some of them… I see that as a mistake.

The World According to Garp (See this film, don’t question me… just do it!)

Moscow on the Hudson (Not bad, I recall being moved want to see it again)

Good Morning, Vietnam (Great and everyone knows it)

Dead Poets Society (Great and everyone knows it)

Awakenings (Brain oddness is a personal interest to me, in a "there for the grace of god" sorta way)

The Fisher King (I fully expect I would go mad the same way his character had in this film. Its hard for me to watch because I feel it hitting so close to home)

Hook (Made me emotional when I first saw it, now as a father it hold even more meaning, who else could have played that role? I wish I could edit it and take out some of the cheesy stuff but, still)

Toys (Hey, don’t judge me!)

Good Will Hunting (Great and everyone knows it)

What Dreams May Come (Sappy and bombastic, sure…. do I love it. YES! Can you imagine watching this film NOW while thinking about his own passing. I think that would turn me into a mess)

Bicentennial Man (Screw you haters! Hard speculative fiction! Bite it and love it!)

One Hour Photo (Freaky)

World's Greatest Dad (Also one that will be hard to watch again now… great film).

Evil starts a chatroom...

I like the idea of internet shorthand for evil masterminds AFV = Away from victim, YSPFYI = You shall Pay for your insolence, RTH (I leave this one for readers to figure out), etc... I aspire to come up with a list. Any ideas?

The Promise Of Equality stalled...

A friend recently posted about her frustration at the lack of progress in our society on the treatment of women. Well, I have been thinking about this my whole life it seems... and as someone that often gets dismissed at the heated man bashing marathons with a wave and a curt "oh, we don't mean YOU!" I figured I was allowed to offer advice.

Perhaps we have not moved further on the problem because we have been largely ignoring one half of it. We have been talking for many decades about how to help girls and women, but little thought has been put into how to help boys become the men we expect them to be. Yes the pink aisle is a travesty but no one ever talks about the black flaming death aisle. My son told me the other day that boys are "not cute" I quizzed him a bit and found out that it was something one of his teachers had said... we teach little kids that girls are precious and dainty and boys are gross and tough... what bullshit! Wanna know one reason I think things have not completely changed? Fear that little boys may "turn" gay. Most people are not ready to embrace the steps it will take to fundamentally change our society. Boys have their whole self worth pinned to whether or not they can throw a damned ball, or fight, or risk their life. Few people talk about it as a problem... but boys are greatly judged on their size from birth. I would feel so bad for the boys clearly being compared in to our gigantic infant/toddler. Men never ask me if I would try to get our son into sports, but I heard it constantly from women. I finally got fed up with them putting this propaganda in his ear that I started whispering to them that I was giving him coffee to stunt his growth in hopes he would be an artist. Are you a small dude? You are screwed. You will see it in your parents eyes. Boys get abused, and yes, boys get raped, worst of all boys get ignored. And I would say its not only the men in the lives of boys that are messing them up every single day, Women contribute greatly. Back when we were 14, my friends mother constantly railed about the evils of men in front of both her sons (and me). Next time I see two toddler boys beating the hell out of each other and hear the young mothers who have their little girls dressed like princess say "oh well... Boys will be boys!" maybe I should call child protective services. Then there is how fathers are portrayed by the media... Boys grow up seeing fatherhood constantly portrayed as a "joke" or worse, fathers are domineering killjoys, even often the villain. Hardly ever are they cast as loving co-parents who nurture and adore the children. Boys and young men are getting sent the massage that they are "bad" and there is little escape.

We are two halves of a whole... you will never fix a flat by patching a leak in one side of the tire and saying... "Screw the other side! It has 20% less wear over the last decade so it can patch itself!

If we want better equality, we should start by doing these impossible things...
Teach ALL young people respect for the full spectrum of human sexuality.
Teach young people not to use any size and strength advantage to dominate others.
Teach young people not to use sexuality to dominate others.
Be honest about the differences between the sexes and explain why that can be an advantage.
Fundamentally change sports at all levels and remove the gladiatorial element, privilege and worship of athletes.
Fundamentally change the fashion industry... (this is often talked about, but I add it for balance)
Stop treating 16-25 year olds like children; expect more "responsible adult behavior" from young adults. 16-25 year olds are not "KIDS." Treating them like they have no responsibility is robbing them of the time of their life when many important lessons should be naturally learned, Hopefully with some guidance.
Stop worshiping youth culture and acting like 16-25 year olds have the answers... they rarely do.
Fundamentally change or eliminate major religions. (I am encouraged by some recent papal talk)

Mix all that together and wait about 50-100 years for all the remaining assholes (of both genders) to die and things may be noticeably better.

Favorite Musician Jokes

Q: What is the difference between a dead opossum lying in the road and a dead trombone player lying in the road?
A: The opossum may have been on his way to a gig.


Q: What dose it mean when drool is coming out of both sides of a drummers mouth?
A: The stage is level.

Here, in my own verbose fashion (and hopefully updated to have less stereotyping crap) is the classic "When drums stop, very bad" joke...

Deep in a jungle, a eco tour was camped for the night. In the darkness, distant drums began a relentless beat that continued through the night and then into the morning, gradually increasing in volume and intensity. The tour members were disturbed and went to their guide to ask if they were in any danger, but the guide tried to reassured them: "NO! Drums good! When drums stop, very bad." The drumming continued, never stopping and steadily becoming more fevered and menacing. Once again the tour members, tired from lack of sleep and feeling very unsafe, questioned the guide, but the guide reiterated, as best he could in a language foreign to him, "NO! Drums good! When drums stop, VERY bad." This continued day after day and night after night until one morning the drumming suddenly stopped! The tour members, unsettled from lack of sleep began to panic. Some started to scream, cry, hide, or run mindlessly in the building terror of the camp. The tour leader found the guide, grabbed him by the shoulders and screamed "Whats happening!?" The guide frozen in place and staring into the distance slowly whispered: "When drums stop, VERY, VERY bad," The tour leader shook the guide and begged "YES! YES! But why is it bad? What happens when the drums STOP!!!" And with trembling lips and a single tear streaming down his cheek the guide spit out the words "Bass solo." 

The well of fun

I was reminded by my friend Marlena to have fun with your children wherever you are. I feel like I used to be better at that, but might have been slowing down on the skipping in the mall as he got older... am I getting too serious? He is a challenge at times, willful, inattentive, argumentative about just about everything, hugely energetic... Most of those traits are things that can be an advantage if he gains the wisdom to use them well. So where to draw the line? Clearly it's not a free for all, h e need guidance, but I may be forgetting the fun a bit more than I should recently.

I want to create many good memories for my son, and I feel it's important for us to have silly good fun together. I think those little fun things can dramatically shape his memories about being young.

Once in a store I was entertaining Jamieson in the shopping cart (various crazy stuff) and a woman ask me "how do you have the energy to think all that up?" and I said "Luckily I have a vast repertoire of immature behavior to draw upon".

I hope he and I haven't exhausted that supply.